Masturbation Survey: Part One
I received 60 responses to this year’s solo pleasure survey, which is a small sample size but people gave a lot so I feel the survey is fruitful.
I hope you enjoy reading these responses as much as I did—the survey findings are going to come in two parts because it was too hard for me to narrow down responses to share—there were so many good ones!
And watch out in the next few weeks for solo pleasure pieces: I selected 4 people from the survey to do a deep dive with audio + imagery telling us exactly how they touch themselves.
The diversity of “jobs” people have is pretty fun! I know “you are not your job” (except I am) but here’s a look at the work people who filled out this survey do:
Receptionist, software programmer, photographer, health care worker, teacher, unemployed, life coach, hypnotherapist, actor, luxury wedding planner, actor/bartender, grad student, artist, finance guy, political staffer, digital marketer, musician, therapist, insurance broker, BDSM educator, poet, aesthete, homesteading village witch, business student, “Just a blue-collar worker using power tools in office spaces,” sex worker, finance girly, archivist, car sales woman, and many more!
When asked to describe their sexuality, survey takers got specific—I loved how most “straight” people had to add a qualifier:
Fluid and malleable
Straight but always pushing any boundaries society has made
High sexual energy. Attracted toward women and fem forms. Straight.
Heteroflexible. Consider me a pillow princess with men
I feel like I’m in my sexual prime so I try to please as many consenting women as I can.
Queer? I’m into most types of folks, but I incline towards genderfuckery and androgyny
Love the penis but curious about some girl on girl
Straight horny AF female in her 40’s 😂
been without a partner or spouse for almost 30 years so I have been masturbating to images, stories, and videos of women for all that time.
Omnisexual with some acespec characteristics
I claim to be straight. But I rarely watch straight porn.
Heterosexual with a splash of bi when inspired
Straight and like to have woman explore their desires.
Straight male with queer-ish undertones
I love women, but more often than not, I crave men. It drives me insane, this craving. I wish my sexuality was more easily categorized. Men should repulse me with the way they’ve treated me, with the way they treat so many women. Yet I constantly want them inside of me, where I’m hot and tight.
Heterosexual high drive that started very very early. Hard to understand it or comprehend how to channel it until much later in life. Kept it hidden until a tantric awakening. Realized there was a family shadow around sexuality and tantra allowed it to exist in the light.
Decidedly bi-curious. Always a serial monogamist, always with men - but also, always felt that women were crazily more attractive sexually and have had my fair share of bi-panic induced obsessions with female friends and lesbian acquaintances.
I’m a bisexual femme female.
queer, t4t, polyamorous—i’m transmasc with a transfem partner at the moment, and on occasion i’ll hook up with a friend or stranger of whatever non-cis gender. hot take: sex with your friends is kind of great.
Very straight. Over the years I have considered if I was partly attracted to men, though I am not. However, I am attracted to trans women, though of course they are women, so that makes sense.
Straight & monogamous, but seriously considering friendly sexual encounters with women and other men (perhaps at the same time!).
Bisexual - I love high femmes and thick himbos
Demisexual, pansexual, queer, lover of communication, rooe, poetry and ex domme. Switch, service top, impact giver and receiver, power play professional.
Have been straight throughout life. Exploring it and open to experimenting
I used to think I was bisexual because I was attracted to girls who look like guys growing up but I’m very straight now
Mostly straight, though I’ve veered in the past
Queer, especially attracted to people with vulvas, seem to be primarily attracted to non binary people, shared sensuality and reverence and shared values being central turn ons. Was married to my high school sweetheart, a cis straight man, and had a lot of sex /wanted sex often. We tried in some ways at the time to have a more satisfying n/healthier relationship and sex life, but the relationship and sex was not very healthy and not especially satisfying or connecting. I wasn’t especially attracted to him ever, but also would get turned on and wanted to have sex. But it didn’t feel like the way I’m really attracted to some other people, including future partners. I’m curious about a good friend of mine who is a cis but gender bending queer man right now, who the topic of romantic/sexual relationship has come up with, but not sure how I feel about him. I’m not sure if I’m attracted to people with penises or not. Or at least, if I can be attracted to them in the same way I can be attracted to afab non-binary people I’ve been atttacted to or had a sexual relationship with. I have a lot of trauma which affects my sex life and my confidence in myself sexually, so that’s been somewhat of a rollercoaster over the years for me. Steadying now, but haven’t had much recent sexual experience
autogynephiliac: my strongest sexual fantasies are about being/becoming a woman (but I am not trans b/c I haven’t transitioned)
I am attracted to tall, wild men and aroused by moderately taboo scenarios with such creatures.
Straight but always pushing any boundaries society has made
I am queer. I am in a heteronormative relationship, but both of us are queer. I love lesbian pornography and actively seek it out (as much as I am allowed in North Carolina, because Christian lawmakers do not want the laity to watch porn. This means much of my pornography is paid for and I can’t access pornhub or other sites I’ve frequented in the past)
Very considerate, reliable and sensual fucker!
straight lol
When asked to describe their relationship with their bodies, survey takers said the below (these were equally heartbreaking and heartwarming) From the work I do, I know many people have deeply complicated relationships with their bodies. Those who report positive relationships have likely done a lot of work to get there.
I love the shape I am in. But I’ve only just begun to explore the areas beyond “classic” areas of self pleasure. I’m really enjoying filming myself and watching it back.
In the process of learning to love myself and my body more. While well endowed when erect, I’ve history been self conscious about my size when flaccid. This has caused me to experience lots of anxiety when in an intimate situation with someone else.
I love myself and my body. In low moments I sometimes wish my hair wasn’t so thin on top or wish I was taller/bigger. Still, I’m in great shape and look damn good. Knowing your angles helps for good selfies. In the mirror I look sharp as hell, though some cameras I feel a like like a fuddy duddy.
I love me, despite my earlier issues with body dysmorphia no matter how fit I was. Overall content, but still fighting demons from time to time.
I think I generally look average. I know I have broad shoulders, a nice structure, but I suffer the comparison with the dominant model of male strong and muscular beauty which on one hand I envy, on the other I find it emerging from the idea that men must compete among each other and win at all cost. On the other hand I find myself not represented by other models of masculine beauty as they are portrayed in gay and queer environments. This results in me having a very hard time perceiving myself as sexy.
Love hate relationship after having my child. Almost back to a weight I feel comfortable with and have found my sensuality again.
My relationship with my body is just as complicated as it is for most women. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I wish I looked better. The older I get the more grateful I am to still be able to move freely and not be worn down by constant sickness however. I think it’s too easy to take our bodies for granted and focus on how it appears instead of how it feels. I am very fortunate to be able to experience pleasure and not live in constant pain like some people do.
My body is not what I want it to be. As a trans person, it is so much work to get myself into a state of self appreciation. I’m not far in my transition so I’m rife with dysphoria. I’m learning to appreciate the things I can make it do though. Building strength, grace, styling myself just right. My love for myself comes from the work I put into myself, not with anything that I inately am.
Unhappy but honest about my size. I often joke that “I’m a fat old man with a little dick and a huge imagination”
Both my sanctuary and my never ending project. It has weathered my many addictions and remained loyally true. Birthed a beautiful son. Run marathons. Betrayed my expectations. Exceeded them. Been the source of great pain and transcendental pleasure. And I am beginning only now to trust my bones and my breath. They know the way. Just not giving up coffee just yet.
At times I feel confident in my body and in my skin. Sexy, long, fun, but at others I feel insecure and unhappy. It can vary day to day and will largely depend on how effectively I’ve been able to dress & “decorate” my canvas, as well as how I feel emotionally that day. Feeling confident and as though I put enough time and effort into my look for the day can make me feel powerful and proud of/in my body, but on days that I don’t have the time or energy to, I feel very conscious of myself and uncomfortable
I’m 38 & birthed 3 babes so while society would likely prefer me to be a little smaller and not as soft in a few places, I’ve never had a healthier relationship with my body. The shift was sparked by desire from a string of beautiful Latino men after my divorce.
I love my body curves, breasts and bum especially. Have many scars from surgeries and motherhood. A tummy roll that annoys me but overall deliciously sexy curvaceous
Not what I had it at due to a scare of heart complications and potential death, but accepted for what it is.
I’m a fat person but I think that fat suits my look. I’m into big colours, big patterns, why wouldn’t I be into big bodies? It also helps me feel so confident that people seem to flock to me despite and because of my size.
Discovering my body as the sensual and sexual beauty it is. Coming from a very high control religion, this is new and a break through. I am exploring the parts that used to be wrapped in shame, disgust and pure functionality. This is now an exciting discovery.
Painful, disability and various medications in combination as well as times of detox result in various levels of connection with self. I like clothes that are tight like a cocoon or chrysalis. Else free flowing, nudity or lingerie bring me joy. I like being tall, powerful, comfortable and relaxed, laying down. I like to dance, explore, bend, flexible yoga. Swim, scuba, float in a tub, a pool, lake, ocean… any body of water. Nature touches me in ways I can’t always explain and I love my own touch. Soft skin. Patience. Hard touch with light caress. I love my flesh though my body was created with faults that often hurt me regularly with discomfort, pain, inability to sleep or feel or sudden exhaustion. Sometimes I am numb and other times I feel everything. Particularly sensitive to sound. My own sounds I find arousing. From loans to stuns to BDSM, cries, shrieks, I read aloud and record often.
I love my body. I know every detail about my body. Every mole. Every hair. If I could clone myself and make love to it, I will do it. I think the idea of being monogamous is good but idiotic. My body, just as a temple, is too divine and erotic to be only pleasured by one person. I know my insecurities, and I indulge them to find the sexiness.The love of self can only be true if it is erotic.
Don’t have spoons to go more into it now so will just say - been on a self love/respect/connection journey for around 10+ years, and have a pretty solid relationship with myself. I am interested in my own pleasure. My weight naturally fluctuates between higher end of straight size to small/mid fat, and I’m currently closer to mid fat. I do have insecurities that come up for me around my body, but I’m mostly rooted in self acceptance - like I can see and be with the insecurities when they come up. I’m afab, queer, non binary. Exploring desires for smaller chest.
My body’s been something I’ve been slow to embrace. It has plenty of scars from all the surgeries I’ve had due to my cerebral palsy. I’ve only started going shirtless near water within the last three years, barefoot on the beach within the last five. As one does when they hear a lot of comments about their body over the years from family, friends and classmates.
Overall fantastic. I have my moments but I am often the most confident person in the room, and definitely the most active dancer at the club. Most girls stare or barely move. I wish I could pull them into this liberation of dance.
I’m 47 and have had 2 kids. I love my hairy bush and my hairy legs. I love my natural curves and showing off my gorgeous pussy. My tits are my greatest asset and they are so fun to play with.
I dislike how I look in the mirror. Chubby, loose skin, stretch marks, scars and body acne paint a tapestry of who I have been. I think I have a decent jawline and piercing eyes that are mellow and soft at first look. I do think I have fantastic parts below and have had minimal complaints.
Honest. We don’t suppress urges and curiosities.
A deep love that has been earned by going through lots of insecurity and the self-abuse that insecurity can encourage. Stronger physically as I age which is a trip and straight defiance of society’s definition of aging. I love my body but I know I can’t take it with me when I go, so I’m not obsessed with being too careful or “preserving” myself in any way
I’m not sure of the relationship I have with my body. I know I like to be sensual and feel sexy. I love moving it in an erotic way but I don’t really know my body in a deeper level. I don’t enjoy touching myself or haven’t learnt how to give myself pleasure but lately it’s getting hard to get anyone to give me the pleasure I think my body requires for my senses to be activated.
I was pleasantly surprised that the majority didn’t mention shame connected to masturbation. But we have a pretty sex positive group on Aurore. Below, survey takers relationship with masturbation in their own words—
I’m trying to rebalance to a more healthy approach to masturbation. Newly single after a stale and sexless relationship left me reaching for the porn for a quick hit at any moment. Now, with my own space and time, I really want to discover precisely what does and doesn’t drive me to ecstasy
As a kid I had a phimosis which was then removed surgically when I was 8. This experience traumatised me and I grew up being somewhat intimidated by my penis and didn’t want to touch it. Also, I found porn disgusting at the beginning, I really couldn’t watch women giving blowjobs without feeling uneasy. I masturbated for the first time while playing a videogame, watching some female character. I was very scared. When I came I thought that must had been blood and didn’t want to check at first.
For a long time it’s just been about tension relief. Over the last 2/3 years it’s been about me and my pleasure. Finding what I like, making time for it, to enjoy it rather than being something to get done and out the way.
I love it and think it’s very healthy! In fact, I honestly prefer masturbating to sex. I started around 13 when I experienced my first orgasm but used to touch myself years before as it felt good but I never finished. I still love it and do it multiple times a day, varying between using my imagination and erotic content (both audio and visual). I don’t understand why people are shamed for it. As long as you aren’t doing anything messed up while doing it, it should be encouraged for more people to do it! It’s a great way to let off steam too.
I was a curious masturbator as a girl- loved letting the rushing running water pour into my vagina and clit. Very exploratory when in the mood, unstoppable while pregnant, and now I fuck my husband so regularly I don’t have as many solo experiences… unless I can’t sleep then sleepy fingers works most of the time
Masturbation is my oldest coping mechanism. I touched myself long before I understood what I was doing. It’s my ultimate expression of compassion for myself.
I love it. First thing in the morning, just before I go to sleep. I have also woke up in the middle of the night having an orgasm....wtf!? But that is always amazing when it happens 😂 My sex drive came back online and I am rediscovering my sensuality and kinks after leaving a dry 10yr marriage. I find Im easily turned on by masculine dominant men, and have started having wild sex with a PT so I have plenty of fantasies and memories stored for when I go with myself again. It’s really important for me to explore myself, having been so shut off for so long before. It makes me feel sexy, feminine, powerful and of course amazing after.
I’m trying myself out in a variety of positions and exploring my different spots to experience different types of climax.
I’ve always done it and have a very keen memory of realising what IT was I was doing when we finally learned about masturbation. I was horrified and spent a few years feeling vaguely ill before I came. It took a very good boyfriend who was insanely into mutual wanking to get me back into it without feeling existential dread. Now it’s my go to self care moment. A way I connect with myself. A tool for improvising when sex goes off piste. A glorious necessary essential daily ritual
I started masturbating at a very young age. I found my Dads Debbie Does Dallas VHS and the rest is history. I’m 2.5 clean and sober from drugs and alcohol. I’m still chasing instant gratification to numb. So while I’ve managed to kick habits like gambling, shopping, binge eating in sobriety… no mean feats! It became obvious recently I’d been replacing it with male attention, porn and compulsive touching.
It started when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I felt my tip rub against my bedsheets one morning and it felt amazing. It quickly became a problem because a simple thought of a woman or anything touching the tip when the skin is peeled back would lead to an erection. At that age it was easy to hide but the thought of being caught was something that haunted me. I couldn’t get enough of it though. I began to masturbate every chance I could get. Mostly in secret but my pre pubescent mind loved to clean my completion with the inside of my underwear. Getting caught was inevitable until I began to be more crafty. Through my teens and adulthood I still love it. It relaxes me completely and if I can’t fall asleep, cranking one out does the trick every single time. I no longer worry about getting caught but the thrill of it makes me complete way before I normally do. Like 40-50 mins before.
I started masturbating very early, around 11. I had weird feelings about it and God as a lot of young people do but as I got older and started to understand that the God I believe in would never tell someone off for just doing what felt good I realised that I was in love with masturbation. Though sex is amazing, masturbation and my relationship with it is otherworldly. It’s my closest connection to God himself because it is the most beautiful feeling thing he allows you to do alone. It feels like its own kind of magic and I can spend hours doing it.
I read an article when I was about 12 about a woman who broke her own hymen with a Barbie doll’s leg. I tried it myself with my own Barbie; my hymen didn’t break, and it didn’t feel very good. Later I used a vibrating toothbrush to help me find my own clitoris- that felt much, much better.
i first began masturbating when i was about 4 and discovered humping my mattress. i called it “the pee dance” for... way too long. with access to the internet, i learned more about masturbation and anatomy through middle school and began using my hands. i got my first toy when i was 14, which was great for my wrist pain. i’ve never had a lot of shame around masturbation because the logic in favor of it was far more convincing to me than the social messaging against it. science says it’s good for you, why would i listen to a pastor? i can’t cum with just my hands anymore, i need a toy, and that’s something i’d like to fix. i’m content with how it’s going overall!
It started pretty young, def elementary school age - I would hump/grind on the leg of this giant teddy bear I had, which I felt a lot of shame about but also was drawn to do often. I was a pretty horny kid. at some point I figured out masturbating in the shower, maybe middle school. I struggled to have an orgasm but really wanted to be able to. I would make all kinds of things into dildos. Eventually I started trying out vibrators and real dildos. Freshman year of college, I think. I got married young - at 23 - to my high school sweetheart. I’d only had one other kiss besides that guy. So as we got engaged I started to get interested and invested in us having a better sex life. He wasn’t a good partner in that, but it did mean I began exploring more toys, and eventually, weed. (Also began weaving with sex positive, fat positive, queer and trans positive community). The womanizer and weed revolutionized my orgasms. I’d masturbate in the shower high with the womanizer and a dildo, and focus on letting myself feel and stay present for the sensation rather than shut it off. Now I have lots of different kinds of orgasms and can give myself really intense ones. I have always masturbated pretty regularly, with some variation. Right now I live alone and am on a multiple months long trip away from my beloveds, and I masturbate most days.
I do it way too often, often obsessively
I’m one of those weirdos that recall masturbation being a prominent focus way too early in life to discuss. I remember being scared that there was something wrong with me. Now I just know that I like to feel good.
I was so fucking horny one night. I had only been in my apartment (first ever!) for about six months and I was just So Fucking Horny and it was like, I gotta do something... so I started humping my pillow (been doing that since my teens). I had been basically celibate since I was 23 or 24 because of significant earlier sexual trauma. I began exploring myself and masturbating when I was thirty-two, and I am thirty-five now. I mutually masturbate with my partner. We are both survivors of significant sexual abuse and trauma, so being able to masturbate together is healing and safe, and we do have a safe word for when things get too much, that anyone (we both have dissociative identity disorder) in either System can use and everything immediately stops. There’s no “wait I’m so close” or any of that. It immediately stops and we comfort who needs comforting.
I started masturbating when I was 12 and have never stopped. It is something I enjoy thoroughly doing for myself and get crazy turned on when doing it for others, especially for money. I usually masturbate in bed with a vibe, but getting off out in public or in nature is the absolute best.
On frequency of masturbation, there was a lot of variation (this tracks) Impressed at how many of you do it more than twice a day—love this for you.
Usually daily. Sometimes multiple times a day, though that’ll often lead to “burnout” where I don’t masturbate for a week.
this is a tricky question because sometimes i can go 3 in a day and sometimes i can go an entire week without.
I’m currently 7 days into a 21 sex ban. Caused by a 6 hour solo touching and porn rampage.
I am horny daily multiple times throughout the day especially right after waking up. So I try as much as I can almost daily.
Sometimes I go for long dry spells where I don’t touch myself, but when they’re over, it can be multiple times a day. My record is eight.
maybe once or twice a week? or sometimes i’ll forget about it for a month or two and then masturbate every day for awhile once i remember
Sometimes daily or continuously for a period of time or I go periods of occasional months without it. I can be passive and insatiable.
Depends on my mood, most of the time at least five times per day
Varies. Usually twice a day. Occasionally a day passes without masturbating. But its rare.