40 Things I've Learned About Sex
Romanticize it all: the butterflies, the not knowing, the fear of rejection, the vulnerability, the hurt.
On that note, romanticize your life in general: wear lingerie for no one but yourself, dance in the mirror naked after a shower, use nice sheets, silky robes, fluffy towels. Indulge your senses.
What do the above have to do with sex? Everything. Remaining open and living in a state of heightened pleasure will lead to a sexier existence.
Always pee after sex. Do it right away because if you get comfy you might get lazy and not pee. Having to run to the bathroom right after sucks, but UTIs suck so much worse.
You can’t choose your father, but you can pick your daddy, and you can be a daddy, too.
“I still love the people I’ve loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them.”—Uma Thurman (and my subtweet to an old hook up who I hid from a couple weeks ago xo)
Introduce toys early and often. Toys are not competition, they are on your team.
Sex doesn’t end after someone orgasms. Or it shouldn’t. Let things get messy and take your time and keep them cumming.
Consider your masturbation habits…how do you connect to your pleasure when no one’s watching? Can you introduce some of that uninhibited bliss to your partnered sex?
Enthusiasm is the number 1 trait of a good lover.
Always ask before slapping someone in the face during sex.
Massage as foreplay >
Don’t judge yourself when your libido, body, desires change.
The grass is always greener.
USE LUBE LIBERALLY. Lube makes everything better!
Deeply inhale the scent of your lover’s neck.
Ideal aftercare looks different for everyone, and like everything else, is a compromise!
On that note, make sure you are practicing aftercare even if you’re having “vanilla” sex.
Straight people have so much to learn from queer people when it comes to sex (and kinda everything)
“Vanilla” people have so much to learn from the kink community when it comes to sex (and kinda everything)
Question compulsory heterosexuality.
Question compulsory monogamy.
Don’t judge what comes up in response.
Kiss as many people as possible, slowly and with tongue.
Kiss your long term partner as often as possible, slowly and with tongue.
Make people say your name in bed. Hold their name in your mouth. Taste it. Whisper it to them.
If you’re a straight man, you should really let your partner access your prostate.
Roleplay!
Writing your desires and fantasies is powerful AF.
Sometimes wanting sex is better than having it.
Mutual masturbation can really take the pressure off.
Never be shamed by someone calling you a slut—say thank you for acknowledging your love of sex and freedom of pleasure.
Learn your hard limits through experimentation with a trusted partner.
People cannot read your mind so you have to tell them what you want!
Bring new things to bed often: toys, ice cubes, ideas, people.
Focus on the sensations your body is feeling, not how your body looks while you are in bliss.
Date like a sociologist, not like someone hiring for a job.
Getting naked with someone is so vulnerable, so beautiful, so magic! Make them feel appreciated.
Laugh during sex! It is awkward and funny.
If you ever cry during or after sex, make them lick your salty tears.