AMA: Professional NYC Dominatrix Lady Eden Mei
When I met Lady Eden Mei, a professional dominatrix, I was deeply investigating my difficulty setting boundaries in certain relationships. I had long understood that sex workers are incredibly skilled at communicating and holding boundaries (and also not dealing with any shit/entertaining people they did not get value from) and I felt this confidence and ability was something we would all benefit from both in intimacy and in life in general.
So I am very much looking forward to our upcoming Writer’s Society 7/7/25 where Lady Eden Mei will grace us with her presence and instruct us on domming. You can sign up here to attend. Until then, enjoy this AMA to get to know her.
How do you get into the domme mindset?
I do things that make me feel calm and confident, which generally means meditating and clearing my mind of distractions. Because engaging in a D/S dynamic requires me to be in a highly observant and connective state, I let go of whatever may be causing me anxiety at the moment and lean into the trust I have in myself - both my training and experience, as well as my ability to react and handle different situations as they arise.
Where do you shop for domme clothing and accessories?
Online:
kink3d (chastity cages)
Mature Metal (custom chastity cages)
Anoeses (leather, latex, nylon)
In NYC:
Purple Passion (latex, tools, shoes)
Pleasure Chest (toys)
Brooklyn Fox (lingerie)
SHAG (lingerie)
What have you learned about yourself as a dominatrix?
People I've met both in an out of the scene have told me they find me uniquely bold in my pursuits. This isn't something I do consciously, and I don't find myself to be particularly "brave," but I did realize that I find great fulfillment in being an agent of growth and transformation, both within myself and for others. Change isn't a scary thing for me, as I grew up and thrive in volatile environments, and I enjoy navigating a good challenge.
Define respect as it pertains to Dom/sub dynamic?
Disclaimer: this is my own personal philosophy
I believe, in order to establish a healthy D/s dynamic with someone, you must first meet and negotiate with them as an equal.
Respect also comes with an ongoing curiosity - the desire to educate yourself on risks and how to mitigate them before beginning any activity, and a responsibility to learn about your partner (e.g. their limits, experience-level, their feelings).
It is important to respect your own limitations as well, such as not playing above your skill level, and maintaining your own boundaries.
How do you negotiate as a dominatrix?
Be clear on each other's objectives, and whether they align: Are you here for a specific activity? Are you looking to explore a temporary power-exchange? To establish a longer-standing relationship? Is there room for experimentation/improvisation, or would it be more comfortable to stick to what you already know works for you?
Discuss safety: experience-level, physical injuries, emotional triggers, limits (both hard and soft), after-care.
Negotiation should happen before a scene. While soft limits can be cautiously explored, hard limits cannot be renegotiated while "in action."
Be mindful that these topics may not be easy to talk about, so leave enough time and space for each other during the discussion.
Lady Eden Mei by Louis Seigal
Give us advice for setting boundaries!
Boundaries can be difficult to set in the moment (and under pressure), so I always recommend taking time before to think this through before the event.
Think of what the consequences will be for breaking a boundary, and enforce them. This is an act of self-respect, and keeping the promises you make to yourself will also increase your confidence and the health of your relationships in general.
I have seen people afraid to set boundaries because they think it would damage a relationship, but it really is the opposite; setting boundaries allows the relationship to be sustainable and mutually respectful.
Remember it's ok for your boundaries to change with time, and to communicate those changes.