Why did I stop showing my ass on the internet?

Note for Aurore 2.0

I posted my last butt pic in 2021. 

So wtf have I been doing the past two years?

Many of you do not know me! I am Carly, the creator of AURORE. I commission stories, edit submissions, post all the social, send the emails, run the workshops. I started the site four years ago, when I was at rock bottom. I was heartbroken, depressed, unemployed, and subsisting on only beer and bananas. I felt like if I didn’t make AURORE then, I might die. The creation of the space forced me up and out. I poured all of myself into it, and in return, Aurore brought me back to life. 

In the beginning, I didn’t show my face much or talk about the fact that I was doing this all as a labor of love because I felt that representing AURORE as “professional” would somehow make me and the site more legit, more “important”. I hid behind AURORE because the rush and rising of the space felt so contingent on community—the building and sharing of these stories as a collective. I didn’t want to be the “star”. I felt strongly that it wasn’t about me, that the personal reasons I wanted to start the site were shared and so it was “we” not “I” and I still believe that—but also AURORE is me. I am the one on the other end of the line. It is my words and thoughts that caption each post. It’s me you’re sharing your stories with. Thank you for trusting me, btw.

This work is personal. AURORE is my baby, something I truly believe in, and something that is so interwoven in the fabric of who I am it’s impossible to see us as two separate entities—hence why disappearing into her is so easy. It seems not a coincidence that alongside my professional crisis, I have been struggling through a personal crisis as well aka Ass Pics Ceased RIP. 

Being naked on the internet has always been about rebellion for me. Self documentation as self empowerment. Revealing what I’d been taught to cover. A celebration of the moments when I like what I see. Creating simple art of my own with my god given tools: tits and a cell phone. A fuck you to the men who’d censor it, call it lewd, then jerk off to it in private. Confirming something long used against me—yes, I like to be seen sexually. Yes! I enjoy sex and like feeling sexy. 

But my relationship with sex has changed drastically since I began AURORE ie when I was definitely a love and sex addict. When I stopped feeling sexy, I stopped engaging in the ritual of dressing up and taking photos of myself. Nude-ish selfies feel less intuitive when you’re not dripping wet all the damn time. I have shared my personal struggle with my sex drive (read: Zoloft) and spent too long ruminating on how to reshape my identity when it is no longer completely rooted on the altar of the sacred slut. Who am I if not a woman stalking her next fuck like a kill? Who am I in a stable, long-term relationship? Am I still sexual if I’m not incredibly sexually active? Can I be a mother of erotica if I’m not actually in the mood myself? (I have decided the answer to the last two questions must absolutely be “yes”)

Enter AURORE 2.0: Getting naked literally and figuratively.

In an attempt to reconnect to my sexual self in her updated version, I plan to open new pathways to horniness and the experience of pleasure, and share that with you… I’m romantic and sensual and a sad girl who bruises easily and what I find sexy and interesting extends beyond the confines of intercourse.

Beginning this week, and once a month hereafter, I’ll be sharing exploration essays, what’s been inspiring me lately, as well as a writing workbook with prompts to hopefully inspire you similarly if you’d like to join me on these tangents. This week, the workbooks will be included for all members because this is what I want to read more of—my favorite stories have always been the ones of existential crisis, about self discovery, the ones that feel soulful and vivid. So I invite you to write with me and submit to AURORE. I look forward to reading you—

And you can look forward to seeing my ass back on the Internet.

AURORE is completely member supported. Subscribe to access our archives and be the first to get my essay + writing workbook this Sunday.