Solo Pleasure with Fini

Hello, I’m Fini. 

I’m 35 years old and I’m a fat queer Puerto Rican woman. I’m tall, with curly, brown hair and throughout my life I’ve been told that I’m imposing –I take up space. When I was younger, I used to see that as a bad thing. I would try to make myself as small as I could. But, nowadays I’ve come to enjoy it: embodying myself in bolder and daring ways, wearing colors and fabrics that I never considered available to me. Not many people consider fashion and sensuality vital to their daily lives, but once you open yourself to it, you realize how powerful sheer black tights, a skin-hugging body suit and a tight skirt can be…high heels optional. I’m particularly fond of mesh and pleather (and leather when I can afford it.) 

I've been on all sorts of journeys with my fatness, cycling between love, hate, and indifference. But you can’t fight (or hate) yourself forever, and in my mid-30s, I’ve proudly entered my pop era. 

My boyfriend and I have lived in the city for a while, and the hustle had put my sex life on the backburner temporarily. Once the world was forced to stop during the pandemic, I was fortunate to have the privilege to breathe and let my mind wander unrestricted. I was starting to feel myself for the first time, no holds barred. I finally came out as bisexual and a switch flipped in my brain, from shame to power. Once you have power, your fantasies become limitless. 

The witching hours are my favorite time to wander –between midnight and 3am. As the noise of the city gets farther and farther away, and darkness is at its peak, I sit by the window. I’m an insomniac and I keep an “emergency” kit on my window sill for these occasions: charcoal incense in a diffuser, a joint encased in a black plastic box to preserve its qualities, an ashtray, a gas lighter. I open the window and the winter breeze immediately hits my nipples. I can feel them get hard under my black, jersey nightgown, the fabric clinging onto them. This sends a slight rush to my face and I immediately smile. 

The lighter in my hand flicks red and I place a precarious flame at the end of the joint hanging from my lips. As I sit down on the corduroy couch, I drag and feel the smoke coating my throat. I hold it in, and the small timeframe where I’m not breathing sends a rush to my head that makes me feel dizzy at first, but delicious by the last drag. Smoking the joint, I pat the couch in the darkness to find my phone. When I find it and turn the screen on, the blue light sends a signal to my still hard nipples, and I immediately go on incognito mode and head to PornHub.

The main page has always been terribly unappealing to me, and it took a hard look inside to figure out why. Straight sex on screen does next to nothing for me. At least the ones in some of the videos the algorithm suggests. I head to the categories and click on the gay section. Seeing men fucking each other has always been so hot to me, and lately my favorite search term has become “hard romantic fuck.” It takes a while, searching through pages of videos, checking the silent previews to see which one looks the hottest. You would think that the combination of words is really vanilla, but after the 5th or 6th page of the search you start to get all the amateur couples, fucking each other’s brains out in messy bedrooms with poor overhead lighting. In sheets just like mine and in normal apartments, no sets, just raw energy. 

It takes a while but I finally become entranced with this British couple fucking in one of their parent’s houses, in their childhood bedroom. The parents, according to the title of the video uploaded by the couple, are in the next room so they’re being extra quiet. I immediately identified because my boyfriend and I did the same thing when we were living in our respective parents’ houses not that long ago. A familiar scenario with tons of kinky potential. 

Settling deeper into the couch and with the weed slowly creeping up, I click play. At first the couple starts slowly, with the top caressing his bottom’s back, going up and down his spine with his tongue and finally kissing and biting his neck. Grabbing the bottom’s neck with one hand, the top shoves the other hand into the bottom’s jockstrap, tugging on his dick. This sends him into a trance, and he trembles a bit, but eventually crawls into the bed on all fours, quietly breathing heavily. The top, a dirty blonde, moves out of the frame to get the lube and when he comes back he wets his fingers and starts circling the bottom’s asshole, playing with it until his two fingers are inside looking for his prostate. It’s a long video and the weed has hit its peak, so I drift in and out, catching flashes of a thick penis inside mouths, inside assholes, while continuously hearing their quiet, but increasingly fast moans and quivers through my headphones. 

I feel my labia getting swollen and sensitive, wetness dripping into my panties; the drops getting thicker as I keep watching. My mind drifts elsewhere and I want to get myself off, so I put the phone on airplane mode. My nipples are still hard from the badly insulated windows, so I tweak them and rub them, applying pressure and releasing it, my index finger lightly rubbing the tip of my nipple. I can feel myself getting wetter and wetter, and I trace my hand down to my outer lips, pushing my palm up and down, feeling my hands and fingers get moist and sticky. 

As I keep rubbing my palm deeper into my clitoris I unconsciously drift off into the fantasy land that is my mind on horniness. With the male British couple long gone from my mind, I close my eyes and open them back up to a completely different scenario. I’m in a room in sheer, thin lingerie, getting strapped onto a bed by a gorgeous, dark-skinned Indian adult film actress I’ve been obsessed with lately –my porn interests are vast and wide. Let’s call her Rina. I’m surprised Rina’s here tonight, but I’m extremely happy she came. I’ve found out I have sub tendencies and, tonight, I want Rina to teach me a hard lesson with her black strap-on cock. As I imagine Rina putting the straps around my hands and legs, preparing me for torture, I part my vulva wide with both hands and start rubbing the sides of my clit. I feel my clitoris getting harder and harder, my heart pounding half a beat faster and my juice starting to trickle onto my thighs. My legs are wide open, covered by a soft blanket so as not to accidentally flash the neighbors should someone wake up and see. I rub my clit in a circular motion, a bit faster each time, but not so fast that I come before I want to. 

Rina starts rubbing my nipples with her index fingers, the black mesh fabric my bralette is made of making it a sublime sensory experience. I love making out, and Rina shoves her tongue into my mouth and grinds her pussy on my pussy while wrestling with my tongue, making me moan ecstatically. She straddles me and pinches my nipples, and I feel myself rubbing my clit harder and harder in real life. Up and down, pressing hard, side to side, flicking lightly. When I return to Rina, she’s left me dripping wet on the bed to put on the harness and her strap-on. I see her fixing her cock while putting a vibrating rose on her clit, inside her panties. I’m so fucking glad because there’s nothing sexier than watching a woman come while she’s fucking you with her dick. 

I start rubbing the tip of my clit harder and harder. If I had my rabbit this would be the time where I would slowly start inserting the vibrating tip until it goes far enough that the rabbit ears caress my clit. Lately, my hands have been my best friends. 

Back to Rina—I see her standing over me while I’m tied to the bed, her large tits and hard, pierced nipples looking irresistible while she’s lubricating her cock and getting ready to push my legs wide open and fuck me senseless. My panties are dripping wet and it’s getting onto the satin sheets. We’re both startled by the door suddenly opening. Rina looks back and sees Ada, an Argentine woman with thick thighs, mischievous lips, and the aura of a goth princess. She invites her in and I realize this just became a threesome. I’m giddy. 

I’m rubbing my clit with my ring finger, faster and faster. The farther I go into the fantasy the more my hips move in a circular motion under the sheet, my vagina contracting as the blood pumps. I insert my ring and index finger into my vagina and slowly fuck myself to add a different sensation, thrusting my hips to meet the fingers going in and out of my vagina. My toes curl involuntarily, and for some reason that sensation feels good and radiates through the soles of my feet and up my calves and thighs. 

Meanwhile, Rina and Ada inform me that they are edging me and making me beg them to let me come. Even though Rina unstrapped my feet so she could fuck me harder, my wrists were still strapped to the bed. I dutifully agree and Ada sits on my face. I start licking her vulva with my tongue and lightly sucking on her clit. 

I imagine the smell of her juices dripping down my lips and I immediately feel my thighs getting tense. I start getting ready to cream. I want to go a little further, so I slow my fingers down and wait for the rush to pass for a minute. 

My breathing stabilizes a bit and I dive back in, where I’ve been sucking Ada’s clit and Rina has been getting my pussy ready for her cock by rubbing my clit with her thumb and kissing my inner thighs. She stops to let me watch her makeout session with Ada. She climbs down from my face and cups Rina’s breasts. They look heavy in her hands and she gives her a kiss while fondling her nipples. While Rina’s moaning, Ada grabs her by the cock and pulls her closer, grabbing her by the back of the neck and inserting her tongue deep in her mouth. Ada gave Rina a handjob while they let me cool off for round two, still tied to the bed, shaking and with my nipples harder than ever. 

I’m rubbing my clit harder and harder, and my asshole is also contracting which feels truly amazing but means I’m gonna come soon. In the daze, I imagine Rina fucking me harder and harder with her cock, the vibrating rose making her shake from the pleasure. Even though I’m still tied to the bed, I find my head on Ada’s naked lap, with her tits caressing my face. I look for her nipple with my mouth and suck it, twisting my tongue around it and hear her moan. I could suck on her nipples forever if she let me. 

Rina grabs my thighs and start fucking me, thrusting her cock so hard into my pussy I can feel the vibration of the rose in her panties, her breasts shaking along with her movements. Ada is tweaking my nipples and holding my head by my chin. She wants to see me shiver and explode. 

And I do. I can barely stifle my final moan, rubbing my clit so hard I can feel it start to become uncomfortable. My legs are shaking and I have to take a minute to catch my breath. If I weren’t alone in my living room at 3am, in the dark, I would think Rina and Ada had fucked me for real. I can even feel the orgasm in my asshole, which is a new sensation I want more of.

I feel a sense of release that I’ve never felt before and, in my fantasy, Ada kisses my forehead and tells me I’m a good girl before making me her bitch. There’s a freedom I get when I fantasize about women that I don’t get from anywhere else. Some days I want more of it, some days my cravings are different –my mind is a roulette when it comes to fantasies. 

As I get up from the couch to finally catch some sleep after I just came, my mind gets ideas. Hey, maybe one day I’ll find some girlies to fuck me for real.