Feeling Stuck? Tips to Escape a Sexual Rut
When sex falls into a monotonous rhythm of routine, breaking free often feels impossible. If you ask wise friends or the internet how to spice up your sex life, the answers are always the same:
“You need to get out there more.”
We all know how that went for Ross in this classic Friends moment.
But how do you REALLY get out of a sexual rut? What do you do when life things mentally or physically dampen your sexual desire? What if a new medication is messing with your libido? Maybe you’re not having the same amount of sex as you used to. Or maybe there isn’t enough intimacy—sexual or non-sexual—between you and your partner. How do you address that and break through?
As opposed to going straight for the kinky aisle, I’d suggest upping your connection through slow exploration, like in this excerpt from Freaky Reiki, where a recently divorced woman, untouched by new hands for three years, rediscovers pleasure as she feels seen, heard, and desired by a 6 '0 man with healing hands and a gentle demeanor—
He slowly rubs his hand across my back as I speak about my past. The last four years have taken me on a healing journey I wasn’t prepared for. His soft, firm hands give me the safe space to speak on my deep depression and feeling out of place in this world. The way his hands move up and down my back doesn’t catch me off guard. It wakes something up inside of me. Something I had forgotten existed. With this simple touch I lose my train of thought. A slight moan escapes my lips. Oscar has me.
I allow myself to feel and let out a few more moans. His left hand slowly glides across my back. The touches barely graze me. He moves his hand from one side of my lower body to the next. Each side to side I feel the nervous energy leave my body. His hand moves back up, and for a moment, he stops in the middle. He pushes his fingertips into my skin, and I can feel his energy move from him to me–my defenses slowly diffusing. I am watching him as he watches my breaths become more shallow.
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And now, more ways to break a sexual rut from our AURORE community—read the tips below to improve your intimate life. Here’s how 👇
“Meet people. Flirt. But no pressure.”
When you’re trying to shake up your sex life but don’t want to get into bed with a stranger just yet, then flirting is a great and harmless way to make life more interesting. Ask a stranger a question. Even if it’s “pass the menu” at the bar. You never know where a simple favor can take you.
“Be kind to yourself and project that killer confidence. Also, exercise.”
“Let people who want to love you remind yourself you’re attractive and worthy of being loved on.”
Exercise pumps up your endorphins which make you feel good, it’s a fact! Build up that “killer confidence” that was pushed to the back and allow the people in who want to show you that you are worthy and attractive.
“Honestly fuck ANYONE. Sometimes you need to get fucked to your senses.”
“Forget the past. Just allow yourself a new experience.”
Creativity knows no bounds once you step out of your four walls. And sometimes you just need to let yourself be a blank canvas and start fresh. Meeting someone new, someone who isn’t in any part of your life can really help break through a rut. Sometimes you need to get fucked to your senses. Or sometimes fucked out of the pain that has been holding you back.
“Dedicated time for self-pleasure. Try not to focus on orgasm. Just explore.”
“Become intimate with yourself first. Understand you’re worth all you want and desire.”
“Masturbate, even if you don’t feel like it. It's like exercise, you’ll feel better afterwards.”
The most popular tip by our community is to focus on pleasuring yourself first before seeking it outside. Spend time being intimate with yourself—fuck yourself out of a sexual rut. Pssssst: We have some guides for solo pleasure.
It’s totally normal to have ups and downs in your sex drive! There is no right way to have sex or a right amount of sex. You determine your own pace. And you get decide when to shake things up. We’re here when you’re ready. Reading erotica is a low lift way to spice up your sex life, bringing tons of inspiration and guiding you through possible fantasy scenarios.
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