Responsive Desire vs Spontaneous Desire

My ~sexual evolution~ has been a source of lots of reminiscing, confusion, nostalgia, and fear. When I first created this space, about 6 years ago (!?) I was highly sexually active (some may say…chaotically or pathologically sexually active!) and the creation of a space to hold all my wild, poignant, frustrating stories felt natural. I was most prolific in writing stories then, I had so many on the tips of my fingers.

When I started AURORE, she had already been an idea for a couple years, but a series of events propelled me to actually do it. I lost two big clients and was out of work, and I also lost my boyfriend in a particularly shitty break up. It was also a brutally cold January. I hit rock bottom! And creating AURORE became my ladder.

I had delivered myself to a therapist and psychologist (if you’ve ever been debilitatingly depressed, you’ll relate to the deliverance—it was all I could do to bring myself there and ask for help) and was prescribed an SSRI. Now, this wasn’t my first rodeo. I knew the many side effects and weirdness of being medicated, and I resisted for a long while, but finally, I took the pill. You can read about that here, in my story called Zoloft.

ANYWAY! To make an ongoing saga a little shorter, along with taking SSRI’s or perhaps, because of, I got into a healthy relationship which I am still in today. And over the course of these six years, because of many factors, both the medication and the longevity of a healthy love, my relationship to desire changed.

Particularly fascinating to me was learning about spontaneous desire vs responsive desire. As soon as I understood this concept, I knew that in the past, I had operated only under spontaneous desire, but in my new understanding of sex, love, and self, it’s clear my desire is now responsive.

I wrote this piece for my lover so he knows exactly how to awaken my responsive desire—read & listen to “How To Get Me Wet”.

Spontaneous desire can be described as feeling horny without a clear stimuli. Horny for horny’s sake. An anticipation of pleasure gets you going. A beautiful thing indeed.

Responsive desire requires some stirring—of the emotions, the intellect, the body. It occurs in response to pleasure. While this type of desire can feel like more “work” I’d argue that it ultimately will lead to more pleasure, as more foreplay always does.

Something to think about: Do you have spontaneous or responsive desire? Does your desire depend on the situation/partner/length of relationship? If you have responsive desire, what are some things that rouse it?

Here’s what the AURORE community had to say about spontaneous vs responsive desire…

A bit of both. Imagination and intention makes me horny.

I’ve found as I’ve gotten older, my sex drive & being horny has increased tenfold. I get horny so easily and quick.

Demisexual so responsive to smart funny people with great smiles.

Depends where I am in my cycle a lot. First half spontaneous then responsive.

Responsive. A sense of security and intimacy that we build together.

Responsive in long term relationships, spontaneous in the early stages/dating.

Spontaneous when ovulating and otherwise responsive. Stress makes me even hornier.

AURORE stories help identify your desires and fantasies by giving names to dynamics, scripts for certain types of play, inspiration for the sex you want, and ideas for implementing it. Access over 250 erotic stories when you sign up to become a member.