New Hero: Lilly Sparks
AURORE caught up with Lilly Sparks, the founder of ethical porn app, afterglow, to discuss strength training, her journey from accountant to porn director, and Janelle Monae.
Your top three things right now:
Strength training, tv shows about cults, and my new baby.
I’d always done yoga, but when I got pregnant I started lifting weights. I had to let go of it only being for CrossFit bros. Getting stronger has made me better at everyday life, like picking up my baby or getting up off the ground. And breastfeeding late at night has taken me into some fun tv rabbit holes, I’m fascinated by why people make certain choices and what leads them down the paths their lives take. As a new mom I’m all about setting myself up for when I’m 60! Life is long!
What has your personal sexuality journey been like?
I was in a relationship with my high school sweetheart from age 15-30, and he was my first partner. We were in love and all those “firsts” were special to me. But I never had the chance to discover my own sexuality, and I didn’t orgasm until I was 24. I finally discovered sex toys and learned more about my body, but this contributed to our eventual divorce. Afterwards, I felt like I had to learn all the things about dating my peers knew in their 20’s- how to spot red flags, how to deal with the awkwardness of getting to know somebody. I finally had that chance to explore and figure out what I wanted. Turns out—I’m still pretty vanilla! Since I started afterglow, it’s opened me up to alllllll the different kinds of sex and fantasies that exist out there. I love keeping an open mind and I’ll try almost anything once.
You started your career in a very different industry—how did you go from accountant to porn director?
I grew up in a traditional family. Getting a professional job like accounting was expected. But I’ve always had a rebellious streak. First, I left accounting to become co-founder of a natural foods business. The business did well and it gave me a ground floor entrepreneurial education. Its success showed me I could create change in this world—everybody has the power to change the world, but not everybody realizes it. It got me thinking about where I thought change was most needed, where I could make an impact. I’d always dreamed of making better porn for women, but it always sounded like a crazy idea. I went on a silent meditation retreat in 2020 and got a feeling that now was the time, and I went for it!
What kind of pornography were you seeking and missing and now creating?
When I was struggling in my relationship, I turned to porn to help me explore and discover my sexuality. But what I found didn’t help me—it was all jackhammering and step-sibiling tropes and never focused on women’s pleasure.
afterglow is all about authentic pleasure from a female perspective. We make films that contribute to a better IRL sex life, by showcasing real scenarios as well as fantasy. There’s also a whole Eduporn series of films that are explicitly educational but still hot enough to masturbate to.
What’s the best part of your work at afterglow?
By far the best part is making an impact in people’s lives. afterglow has helped women feel comfortable being in their bodies during sex, ask for what they want in bed, even heal from sexual trauma. Nothing beats talking to the people who you’ve made a difference for. I like to say that orgasms should be our key metric!
What are some of your creative influences?
Janelle Monae is my hero. She’s always been a huge inspiration for afterglow, I love how her music addresses serious topics but makes it fun and leaves you feeling good. Also Adrienne Maree Brown and her book Pleasure Activism (a must read). Another one of my proudest moments is having her do an audio piece on setting boundaries for afterglow—you can check it out on our site at xoafterglow.com.
What do you do to ensure your sets/shoots are safe and comfortable for everyone involved?
We have scripts and we discuss what acts are expected of performers before casting them. On some sets performers don’t know what they’re doing with who until they show up! Before we start shooting we do yes/no/maybe lists that discuss what performers' boundaries are, and we discuss those all together. There’s also safe words and a performers bill of rights we go through and anybody can stop the shoot if they feel uncomfortable.
What do you want viewers to feel when they watch afterglow’s content?
Horny! But also powerful and sexy and able to conquer the world and chase their dreams. Turned on in a way that extends beyond their body and to life itself.
What have been some of your obstacles working in the sex industry (especially as a woman)?
The biggest challenge is our inability to advertise anywhere. Almost any company can throw up some Instagram and Google ads and find their customers. afterglow can’t advertise anywhere and are constantly at risk of getting our accounts shut down completely. Everything about running a business is twice as hard in the sex industry because of the stigma we have around sex.
Many people in the porn industry specifically think porn for women is a niche, that women couldn’t be a big market. I can’t wait to prove them wrong. Obviously we have desires just like men, we love erotica, why not visual erotica too? Porn has always been made for men, so it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What’s something not many people know about you?
That I love romance novels! Courtney Milan is my favorite author by far, and I’m a sucker for the “marriage of convenience” trope. I’ve read everything from Ice Planet Barbarians to the Original Sinners series.
As a new mom, how do you plan to introduce sex education to your children?
My main goal is to not create the sense that sex is shameful. We’re humans, we all have sex and it’s one of the most natural things in the world. I want them to feel comfortable communicating their needs and desires and to educate them about making smart choices that are best for them.
What sex advice would you give to your younger self?
Masturbate! If you don’t know what you want and want turns you on or gets you off, how can you expect someone else to know?
