I Went To A Sex Conference

my face when I feel very loved: it’s 8am and a friend brought me a coffee + I’m about to be on a panel with another friend + I see a friend ready and waiting in the audience (who snapped this pic)

Some of you know for the past year I have been STUDYING SEX. I have unofficially been studying sex my whole life and especially the past seven years as I’ve collected true erotic stories from people all over the world…but I finally decided to make it official with a certification.

I am about 139 hours in and another 61 hours away from becoming a sexologist. Wtf is a sexologist many people ask me? A sexologist examines sex and sexuality through research and how it manifests culturally, socially, politically, psychologically, and biologically.

From the beginning of creating Aurore, I realized the healing power of writing our own erotica, especially based on our best experiences and fantasies. I’ve hosted dozens of workshops online and in-person and witnessed firsthand how transformative this type of writing can be.

My goal with my sexology certification is to expand on this work 1:1, creating a journey for individuals seeking deeper understanding of their desires, fuller sexual confidence, and more impactful communication in the bedroom and everywhere else.

Writing is manifestation, writing is a vehicle—and after years of talk therapy, a coaching program that was heavy on writing is what finally moved the needle for how I approach problems, relationships, and life in general. I want to share this with you.

So Yeah, I Went To A Sex Conference

I was honored to be asked to speak on two panels investigating the power of erotica, smut, and romance literature at Sexual Health Alliance’s Annual Conference.

I’m deep in thought while Caitlin Harrison is talking about smut!

The first panel did a deep dive on the possibilities of healing through reading smut and the risks involved in some dark romance storylines. I was joined by my friend Caitlin Harrison, a therapist who runs an amazing self-help smut club out of LA, who was also the best hotel roommate and snack mom for the weekend.

The second smut panel with Erika Lust

The second panel I joined Erika Lust to discuss the censorship we’re up against doing this work, as well as the need for even more diversity and representation even though I believe Erika does this very well and Aurore’s writers are also quite diverse, we can always do more and be better.

What I Learned At The Sex Conference

Of course I learned a lot from the many presentations and talks I attended (although don’t quiz me on them) but I think the realest learning happened in moments of connection with other people doing this work and generally being in a safe space for discussions about sexuality.

These are some of my biggest revelations from the weekend:

-It’s really fun to dress for a sex positive crowd

-The concept of “kink” or the “kink community” can sound intimidating, but when you break it down, a lot of people do kinky stuff in their sex life, they just don’t label it as such

-More of that: Labels are limiting. Thank you Dr. Chris Donaghue, who teaches against putting ourselves in boxes for what we like/don’t like as well as sexual roles, something that really resonates with me as I sometimes feel impossible to define

-This work is not for the fragile! We are up against so much, and for those of us who put our name and face on this work, we are taking real risks to attempt to destigmatize pleasure and eradicate shame and holy shit sometimes it is thankless and difficult but when you know you’ve made an impact it is so so worth it

-Seeing fellow “professionals” transform into their kink personas is both cool and boundary-pushing! The kink gala during the conference encouraged fetish wear and included kink “stations” where many of us engaged in some kind of play in front of our “coworkers”—this is part of the destigmatization effort. I found it both incredibly freeing and supportive to see people as more than just their “day job” but it also rubbed up against what I like to keep private vs public. Didn’t stop me from visiting an impact play station for some thuddy spanks though :)

again looking happy/feeling loved

-And finally, speaking of supportive—AURORE fits into several worlds I think. Literary, women’s wellness, wellness in general, SEXUAL education, and finally the world of sexual entertainment. When I tell you the only people who have been unequivocally supportive and accepting of my work are the ones in sexy entertainment, are you surprised? I have been called “too spicy” “too risque” “controversial” and more by places who claim to be centered on women’s wellness and even pleasure. So, a moment for my other out and proud sex friends—thank you for embracing me with open arms.

Interested in exploring 1:1 coaching with me? Get in touch below.

xxx