Gift Guide: Acts of Service for You & Your Lovers
Remember when you were younger and you’d make a coupon book as a gift, “redeem one" for whatever task, favor, or loving act you were willing to perform? This wasn’t just about having no money to spend, it was about having more imagination and energy and time. It’s true it requires more of you to create, produce, and deliver on these presents, but that’s exactly why they are special.
“Acts of Service” is one of the 5 Love Languages, and it ranks high for me (although I like my lover to speak in all 5 love languages because I am a glutton for love!)
Below, I’m pairing “acts of service” gifts with spicy stories that embody the acts for extra inspiration.
1. Worship
Sex is great, but have you ever got in to bed with the sole purpose of worshipping your lover’s body, without trying to get yourself off? Your pleasure is their pleasure—meaning, dive into the act of worship without any selfish intentions. Ask what they want (though better if you know and check in along the way) listen to feedback, make them feel that there is nothing you’d rather be doing than pleasing them.
So much of worship is about time and reassurance. They must feel that there is no rush, no end goal, no hurry to finish so they can then start on you. Make sure they know this is about them, about pleasure, and about exploring different pathways to get there.
Study the art of taking your goddamn time in “Instructions for Eating My Pussy Right”—how to worship a c*nt in exquisite, excruciating detail.
A long time ago, before I met you, I told a fling that no one’s ever teased me as much as I wanted them to; he asked me why, and I told the truth: “Because I’ve never been with anyone who didn’t want to fuck me immediately.”
When you get me naked, I know you want to just dive in. But hold back. Keep reading.
2. Breakfast in Bed
Someone once told me that heroin feels like the moment you wake up, still warm and cozy in bed, sleepy and half in the dreamworld, fuzzy and soft. If you can extend that lovely time for your lover, why would you not!
It doesn’t have to be homemade, it can even be scooped up from the corner bodega, but learn how they take their coffee and their eggs and deliver them, hot, to bed.
Find someone you want so badly you fantasize about making them breakfast. Read “Limerence is Bliss”—
Dripping wet, he’s exploring me with his fingers. Filling. Stroking. Building an orgasm in me. I’m close. His other hand coils around my throat. My dream man. Tomorrow I’ll make him breakfast. He fucks me so hard my eyes water. I can barely breathe. I don’t want to breathe. I want to be fucked. Keep reading.
3. Caretaking
How exactly to define this…I don’t know, it’s easier to give examples.
These are mine, and I think this looks incredibly different for different people. The best approach is to examine what stresses them out and what you can do to ease some of that stress. The least sexy feeling is stress.
Pick me up at the airport after I’ve had a long trip, and pack me something to eat on the way home/Brew me coffee in the morning so when I’m at my weakest, I don’t have to think about anything/Bring home my favorite ice cream from the store when I’m PMSing/Sense when I need a release and plan worship accordingly…
Kink is a means to escape. Read “Tonight You Will Call Me Master” a meditative invitation to subspace, or inspiration to step into control—
My darling, you’ve been so stressed lately. Tonight I want you to let me take control. Things haven’t been easy, and I know it’s been hard for you. This is why tonight I’ve prepared a distraction for you. Something special. Just you and me. Something to take your mind off your worries. In fact, it is my hope we can clear all those pesky thoughts from your head. Let you escape, and submit completely. Keep reading.
4. Erotic Massage
When I feel strong hands on my shoulders, I will say “yes” to just about anything. A perfect marriage of worship and caretaking, erotic massage allows your lover to sink face down into bliss while you melt their whole being into the bed (or massage table if you’re fancy) There is a reason massage porn is incredibly popular among women—even watching the act of massage is soothing.
Light some candles, put on some music, and be sure to rub their back extensively before rubbing their ass. For inspiration, read “Trust Fall”—
The massage started off like any other deep tissue massage. The young, male masseuse took his time massaging my glutes and eventually removed the small towel covering my ass in order to dig deeper. After I turned face up, he folded the towel so it was just below my mound and had me bend my knee and lay my leg to the side as he worked my inner thigh. I had a tight tendon and, while he was working it, he repeatedly bumped up against my labia. Keep reading.
5. Reading in the Bath
Being read to in the bath is one of my favorite things. It’s equally easy and extravagant. It makes me feel like I’m being bathed by someone, by their words. It’s also a way for my partner to give me undivided attention, like another form of worship, though we both get to soak in the stories. (Our apartment bathtub isn’t big enough for two.)
Reading to someone in the bath doesn’t have to be your particular act of service. Think: How can you add to an enjoyable experience by doubling up on stimulation and attention? This could be as simple as rubbing their feet while you watch a movie on the couch.
For a contemplative and spicy bath time, I give you “Divine Feminine”—
She slips into the bath with me without a ripple. Like she’d always been there. Velvety bubbles slide against my freshly shaven legs as I instinctively draw my knees to my chest. Hairless, I feel at peace for the moment. Like she had deemed me worthy of her touch.
Eyes closed, I see the goddess in full flesh. Soft cheeks and pumpkin-colored hair. Brown eyes like lightly toasted marshmallows. Her cherubic features belie a plump, curvy figure that inspires sin. A mirror reflecting a wish fulfilled. Keep reading.
If you are hunting for tangible gifts for a lover, my recommendations live below.