Don't Do These 5 Things When Writing Erotica
In the nearly six years I’ve been publishing confessional erotica, I have received hundreds of submissions. I typically know within the first couple sentences whether or not I want to publish the story, and while I lead writing workshops to guide writers to give me the kind of erotica I consider ~the ideal~ I rarely talk about what makes makes me cringe/turns me off when reading a submission.
So here’s my list of writing tips of what not to do when writing erotica.
1. Don’t Write What You Don’t Know
You’ve probably heard this before, and of course it applies more precisely for confessional erotica than fiction, but you may be surprised by how many submissions I receive written by straight men about two lesbian characters. Sir—I understand this is your number 1 fantasy but this is the epitome of not understanding the assignment. It’s especially awful when done to marginalized people by a more privileged class.
Ask yourself why you a white/straight/privileged person would write from the perspective of a Black/POC/queer/otherwise marginalized persona? ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex writing!
What makes people great writers is being observant, empathetic people of the world. So when writing fiction, you may not be writing from lived experience, but you’ve done your research and really gotten into the heads of people who are like your characters. Portraying the inner workings and longings of the protagonist is key to keeping a reader engaged.
When you send a submission that so widely misses the mark, it also shows that you did little to no reading on the submission guidelines or the site. If you aren’t a stellar reader, I have my doubts about your writing capabilities.
2. Don’t Use This Word Incorrectly (omg so many people do this)
The vagina is not the vulva and vice versa. I am offering you a really important lesson here, and one you shouldn’t feel too bad about not knowing because most sex ed leaves out a lot of female anatomy and women’s pleasure. See below!
Now that you know all the proper clinical terms for anatomy (the vagina is the canal, the vulva encompasses everything on the outside of the body) you probably shouldn’t use them in erotic writing.
The desire to not sound clinical sometimes veers writers too far into poetry. I also tend to avoid descriptors of anatomy that are too painterly, like “orbs” to describe balls. It reminds me of the “heaving bosoms” and “throbbing members” of old romance novels.
Say it direct! Use words you use in real life! Some favorites: cunt, cock, pussy, ass, lips, clit, dick.
3. Word choice is soo important!
On the topic of choosing the right words, the same rule applies to the technical aspects of sex writing, too. Similar to writing good dialogue, if you’re describing sex in a manner extremely different than you would describe it to your best friend, you may be doing something wrong. Words like “simultaneously” feel a little high school term paper—try simplifying it to “at the same time”.
I tend to like sex writing to be really raw and nasty—here’s a taste of some good stuff from “Limerence is Bliss” you’ll notice it’s not too complex, not too lofty. The words are simple but the imagery is perfect.
I'm throbbing. He's teased me enough god damn it. I feel the rush of blood. I feel thick and fluffy like a pancake.
Finally. I use two fingers to spread my pussy. Two fingers, the eleven, the portal. I love him in my portal, I squeeze his dick a little out of love. Oh fuck I am falling in love. He kisses me sloppy, tongue lapping, he speaks into my open mouth "thank you for the angel pussy baby. I'm so lucky." His cock is so slippery now, gliding and filling like it should, churning me like butter. He pulls my hips up off the bed, fucking into me from above, using the springs to bounce. "Is this is what you want, princess? You want me to make love to you? You want it soft and sweet?" I struggle to speak, the fucking is soft but it just doesn't stop. My clit is tickled by the springs.
4. Don’t write it like a letter
When I’m reading a submission and all of a sudden the writer starts addressing me as “you” I get totally turned around. I don’t want to be in your story, I want to be told your story. Some people naturally write to their partner when writing erotica, and that’s totally fine. When you submit it to be published though, it’s no longer between the two of you—adjust accordingly.
5. Don’t skimp on tension building and character development
By the time things get spicy, we should be really ready. Ask yourself, why would a reader be invested in these characters having sex? If you can’t answer that with some kind of tension, release, or excruciating foreplay, go back and dig in.
Character development can happen through backstory, dialogue, and description. I always suggest stripping down each character and describing the very intimate details of their body. Do this to their day, too. Break it down from what they eat for breakfast to the art they have hanging on their walls. What do you find so intriguing about them? Why are they worth writing about? That should be almost immediately clear to me, and it doesn’t mean they have to be likable. Sometimes the most toxic are the most interesting. Take the king in his titular story—
“I want to fuck your ass to the hilt.” I get a text message from him one night after months of silence. He’s in law school now and thinks he’s hot shit. He usually comes over late at night and tells me stories about what it was like to grow up rich. “I’m a card carrying member of the Mayflower Compact, hahaha,” he laughs at his own joke. He explains how easy it is for him to get out of trouble. Drunk driving, harassing gay men in the Fens with his friends in high school. Which reminds him, did I know that his high school is one of the best in the country?
One night he shows up at my apartment after visiting friends from college. I let him because I am desperate for this attention. He tells me the trip left him energized so he thought maybe he’d come over to fuck. He asks me to lay on my bed and masturbate for him. I remove my panties and spread my legs for him. My pussy is glistening with sticky wetness. He groans as I slide my finger over my slit and into my cunt. He sits in a chair at my desk and we stare at each other from across the room.
“My friends and their people are squatting in these buildings in Brooklyn. It’s just a bunch of artists throwing up walls and making bedrooms for themselves in these huge loft spaces, they don’t pay rent.” He thinks it’s so funny and cool. I am jealous that his friends get to live rent free in New York. Years later I realize he’s referring to the Mckibbin lofts.
And comment with your icks/do’s/don’ts for writing erotica!